You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
