Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How does one acquire holy water?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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