happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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