In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
