M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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