You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
