Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
