and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
