I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
