Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
look no pants
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
