I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
