Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
