My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
