This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
