two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
