And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
