I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
