Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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