Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
