Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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