But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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