Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
