So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So vagazzling was a success
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
