we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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