I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
we should paint friendship bongs
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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