I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
