She is in my trunk
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
