She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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