I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
