She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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