I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
