meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
