Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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