You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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