Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
