Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
