Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
