I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
