4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
