i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
