It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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