I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
