he wants to bone in the snuggie
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
