The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Two words: blizzard sex
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
