Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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