He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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