I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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