In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
