I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
