toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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