Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
