I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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