Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
