did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
