How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
