my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
