dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
