It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I want to be your penis for a week.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
