Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
